Life Of Living Soul

I could not find a better title to define myself : a living soul, that i'm. 
Lively at my heart I know many of them have a lilltle idea about how and who i'm, blame it to my nature,a terrible person I'm with relation. Trust has a big part in this small world of mine.I deal with heart more than my brains. But my trust just like any other is vulnerable.

'Solitary' is the word that defines me to its best; to my fear I have a very little understanding of others.Most years of my life I have spent understanding and learning myself, however to my disappointment I fail to find much of it.This pursuit of my inner self and happiness is a parrallel journey of my life.

Birthdays are just a reminder, of  how you need to behave with the age. I'm 26 but I don't behave like one of my age. I  still act like a teenage. I'm bad with handling emotions.I have tired figthing with the egos but it has its victory everytime.I'm just another cry baby helpless on my own.There's a lot of emotion luggage I need to leave behind with the passing years.Brooding over and holding on to my past has moulded me to a fickle person.

My life doesnot seem a very colorful. But I do have my share of happiness which I enjoy completely. Like any others I get excited on little news from family and freinds, cry over small emotional conversation. There are small wishes I ask from God everyday, peace that I get seeing bad people being punished.
And I do have small mantras that does bring glory to my life;
"Expect the Least' and be happy with your share that life has for you.

fairy tale-fortell

I dreamt of fairy tale and I thought of him. Heart-full of love, I rode beyond my dreams, to the land of the lush green mountains and across the deep blue seas, for his one single glimpse.

I waited day and night, all seasons long.The day arrived with its grand entry, flashes of lightnings and rumbling of thunders, God hinted he was here.

In him I saw my soul.I knew he was the one; my life my fortune !! Flourishing in the life we had, happy and contented i felt.

Days, weeks, months, years, passed on. Misunderstanding and confusion hovered liked the dark black clouds, quarrels down pouring with an ease, trapped in the world of expectations we had built.Bumps on the road of love had just begun. Life isn't a story of fairy tale I realized.

Shattered and dejected I felt. I knew we were getting no where. A gleam of hope to its escape I sensed.I decided to put an end to the miseries we had.I let free the rein of love, in search of happiness and love within.

Wait for me I'll be back, I said him,with heart full of love and nothing else. I promise to be back, I promise to be happy person, leaving the pot of tears far behind.

Feedback

This month the blog is all dressed up with its fresh cuts and moves. Comments appreciated:).

My Diary

Its past 1 a.m and I'm still awake. Wide awake, laying on the bed tuning to the past memories of life.In middle of my reminiscent thoughts, i start wondering; who do i owe the most (next to my family)? Letting my mind go through some mentation,the ultimate answer i came up with was, my evergreen diary. I never imagined someday i could be writing a post on her.

As with the passing days and growing age, from season of rain to pinching winter, she accompanied in every venture of my life.Like the changing seasons, she has seen the changing me;brooding girl to a strong lady. Like a trusted friend, she patiently listens to my sorrows and to the tantrum i show with my words.In the midst of my own feelings, i see and find her, with open arms to embrace me.In her i can speak my mind; without slightest fear or regret.


There were days when i shared all the beautiful lines that i came across. I wanted her to know how crazy i could be. Time never bothered me.I could sit with her and jot down the song , for someone who meant a lot to me. She has witnessed my part of life and have seen how life has treated me.I reveal myself in all ways;envy, anger, joy,love, sorrow, fantasies-profound desire of sweet kiss from someone i love, wishes of being someone I'm not, the unexpected miracle to happen. She knows my strengths and weaknesses, my successes and my failures. There is nothing that she in-cognizant of. Flip the pages of hers' and its me you are reading through.

Yet

I don't know which one I'm to be categorized as; sadist, happy go lucky person, responsible daughter, daunting and lovable sister, generous friend or kind lover. Unfortunately, I'm even not sure what i want the most in my life; Is it money, power, love or blessing??
A phase of life where its so difficult to answer many of my inquisitive- me questions.I wonder why i enjoy living in these world where every time i fail to answer my own put up question that actually matters a lot to me. I don't know why i don't hesitate living in miseries;
why every night i have to go through the hard times of letting something go off easily without causing any pain,why do i fear speaking out my thoughts(is it fear that my voice would remain unheard?),why do i curse myself for being helpless knowing there's nothing i could do,why do i wait and count each and every seconds knowing that there's no last chance left, why do i still wait for that one big day that could change everything in my life, beginning of all good.
why have i stopped looking for my inner happiness rather than depending on someone to provide it,why have i stopped trusting in ME that has always been my strength. And of all, why have i guarded myself from the exposure of living inspite of the fact that I'm gifted with so many wonderful people that i could ever think of and not to forget the time constraint life. WHY??

Love

It breaks your heart to see the one you love is happy with someone else but it's more painful to know that the one you love is Unhappy.

To Flaunt dauntlessly

Someone once said to me "Never mind going for the close up smile. All you need is to give it
better shot". On asking what he meant by the term better shot i got a detail explanation on it. He mentioned that smile must have nature touch to it. Rather than a open mouthed smile, a small one showing your lips, few teeth, portion of tongue without letting the base of tongue be seen would look graceful and suit the best. And what next!! The very next moment i tried getting that graceful and executive smile for myself in the mirror and than i realized i had the best smile, true and precious :).